I’ve attained new heights of absent mindedness.

Today I was working on the dreaded FAFSA, the federal form you have to fill out to qualify for financial aid. It’s not that tough to get through, if you’ve got your taxes done, so I was breezing through it when I came to the part where they ask you what the net value of your investments are. That’s not a tough one for us, not much. An IRA that I’ve had around forever, haven’t contributed to for years and has grown nicely over time. It’s a mix of Putnam funds. I asked Beck if we had anything else that she could think of, and she said that there was her Putnam stuff. “No honey that’s the same, remember that we put it in my name for a tax advantage.”

“No, I think I have something too, look it up in Quicken.”

I looked, and it’s there, but I was holding my statement and looking at what Quicken said, and they’re different. Close, but different. I stood there with a stupid expression, looking at the screen, looking at the paper, trying to make the numbers makes sense. Beck came into the room and start digging through the files and pulls out a different statement. It matches Quicken. I stared at the two pieces of paper when it dawned on me. There are two accounts! We have twice as much money saved as I thought we did!

Don’t get me wrong, It’s not a huge amount by any stretch, not even enough for a year of college, but it’s still twice as much as I thought I had. Twice as much as the number that I fit into the slot in my head as I’m grinding out the impossible equation of having two kids in college and escaping or getting exiled from the corporate world. I’ve been operating under this false assumption for years.

WooooooHooooo!

Last night I watched Kung Fu Hustle. I loved it! The whole thing had this wonderful aura of fun about it. Even though it was extremely violent. You could just feel how much fun the actors were having playing the wonderful cast of characters. Great effects, beautiful photography and art direction. Nods to more films than I caught and just pure fun. And somewhat of a storyline.

It was in Chinese with subtitles, but the story is so visually played that you wouldn’t really need to read the Subtitles to be thoroughly entertained.

I’ve given up. A couple of years ago I quit playing hoops. Not only because I’d lost so many steps that I couldn’t even keep up with the other old guys that I was playing with, but also because an hour of ball would result in four days of pain. I thought I could continue playing tennis, but recently it’s become apparent to me that that’s not true either. My knees are just too shot. I don’t have a slow first step. I don’t have any first step. I think I wouldn’t be walking in a couple of years if I continued. So, I’m done. At least until I get the knee replacement surgery.

I really wanted to play tennis with my daughters, but when they got good, they didn’t want to play with me anymore. And now it’s over. And I walk like Gabby Hayse.

After a year of not playing tennis my knee is feeling quite good and I’m rethinking having it done anytime soon. We’ll see how she holds up if I go to Colorado trout fishing.

Let’s hear it for narcotics!

I’m having surgery on my big toe tomorrow. It’s hurt like a mofo for about a year and a half. Like someone was hammering a hot ten penny nail into my joint. There going to do a little scrape here and a little goop injection there and a little bone shave here and it’s going to be all better. It’s same day outpatient surgery, in the clinic, not even the hospital. But a wise man said that minor surgery is surgery that is being performed on someone else. Do women find those surgical boot things sexy?

I read in the paper today that a Dutch study indicates that chocolate can lower blood pressure and prolong life in older men. Combine that with the revelation that Viagra can be used to treat Crohn’s disease (see below) and you have every reason to believe that I will  have a long and happy life.

My brother just sent me an article about some new thinking concerning the causes of Crohn’s disease. Some British researchers have discovered evidence that it’s not an overactive immune system, but a weakened one that creates the inflamation. Something about blood rushing to the area of an infection, bringing the anti-bodies with it.

So now they’re thinking that Viagra might actually be a cure for Crohn’s disease. Great! No longer will I have problems with constantly feeling like I have to take a crap. But I’ll be walking around with a permanent hard on.