First of all, let me say that the Gophers won. The highlight of the game was when one of the student managers who was a little more provocatively dressed than the rest was crouching behind the huddle during time out displayed some body parts in a manner often associated with plumbers. Butt crack city, in front of about a thousand people.

The new Minnesota State Senate Majority Leader is a guy who I often played basketball with at the old Downtown Y. He thought he was much better than he was and tended to hog the ball and shoot too much. I was forced to school him a few times. Keith Elliison’s predecessor in the House occasionally played down there too when he was back in the district. He had to be in his 50’s then and was tough as nails.

The new County Attorney, Mike Freeman, has twin daughters who starred at my alma mater, Carleton College. While they were there the Knights were ranked in the top five in the D3 rankings.

Keith Ellison my new Congressman.

He’s taking over for the retiring Martin Olav Sabo, who I believe has been in Congress since Lincoln was president.

In other news: Tonight the Minnesota Golden Gophers Women’s Basketball Team opens the regular season agains Northern Iowa at the Barn. They’ve got seven Freshmen on the roster after five players quit the program last year. I gave up my season tickets not because of the defections but because of the money. But this looks like a very exciting team with lots of raw talent. I’ll probably end up going to every game anyway.

is a Muslim.

First ever in Congress. How about that?

I voted for him.

Yes folks it’s time again for that annual Fall Harvest Celebration
Formerly Known as the H-Word!

And we all know what that means! It’s time to harvest your favorite large orange gourd and apply your creative talents to converting it to a lamp. Contrary to popular opinion a Jack-O-Lantern is not what the King of Pop was when his hair caught fire, but a glowing vegetable symbolizing the culmination of the growing season and high school football playoffs. Of course I’ve always thought it should be a potato, which is why the Spuds colors are black and orange. But I digress.

Since we want to make sure that no vegetables are harmed (other than a few pulp trees) and that no one brings in roasted pumpkin seeds as a treat, we are challenging to a digital/paper Jack-O-Lantern coloring contest. Feel free to customize your gourd digitally or in the time honored analogue fashion with scissors and marker fumes.

Prizes will have some value. The decisions of the judges will be arbitrary, illogical and final. Bribes will only be accepted in advance and only in the form of chocolate. Please remember the importance of maintaining corporate appropriateness.

Have fun.

Since one of your empoyees accepted a check without
apparently checking any ID on 7/28 you have been harrassing
my daughter to recover the money from the check that you
accepted from the criminal that stole her purse. She has
recieved communication from you and from a bill collector
and she has supplied all of the documentation requested to
verify that the check in question was indeed stolen. Now she
is being harrassed by the Minneapolis Police Department
(actually some vendor in Red Wing posing as the Minneapolis
Police Department) who are threatening to send her to jail.
Never mind that no effort whatsoever was made by the police
to investigate the car break-in that resulted in her purse
being stolen, nor any effort to recover her property.

Since we have in good faith already supplied all the
documentation that you have requested and you forwarded
the case to the police anyway, my question is who at Sears
should I send my bill for the time that I’ve spent trying to
resolve this issue? My professional hourly rate is $150. At this
point, I’ve got about 3 hours into it, so we’re about even.
Payment due on the reciept of invoice.

Thank you.

Bob Keller

When I went downstairs to the garage after work today, my car was gone. “Damn, I’m sure that I parked it in my normal spot.” I’ve risen to the level in life where I have reserved parking at work. Underground no less. I had my keys. I didn’t get a ride with anyone for lunch, I just cruised home for a bit. It was 5:30 and Beck needed the car at 6. “Gangestad, we have a problem.”

Someone had grabbed my keys off my desk and moved it out into the parking lot. I’d had a really exasperating day. I kind of popped a bolt over it, before I started buying into the humor of it. I know who did it. I will get my revenge.

Becky went to a play with some of the women from the neighborhood. I headed over to the smoke shop for a stogie. I started thinking about the full moon and October nights and my mind drifted over to high school football. It was a perfect night, not cold but clear and crisp. I decided it would be a perfect night to go see my niece’s boy play football for the number one team in the state, Eden Prairie. At six feet and two-twentyfive he’s an undersized offensive guard. I asked the boys at the shop if they knew where Eden Prairie High was, and they gave me a vague discription and mentioned that it was kind of a maze over in that part of town. I came home and googled the location, printed a couple of maps and headed out. About five minutes after I turned off of 169 I was completely disoriented. I drove around for awhile, thinking I could find it with dead reckoning and luck. Then it dawned on me. Look for the lights. I looked up and there they were. Had to be a stadium. So I drove toward the lights. I found a parking place about a half mile from the stadium, downhill. I got all the way down to the ticket counter when I saw that I was at the home of the Hawks. Eden Prairie is the Eagles. Eagles, Hawks, Falcons we have a regular raptor center around here. I was in Chaska, the next town over.

I made the long trudge back to my car and started to drive home. I had visions of myself as one of those poor people whe drive off and are found six states over, dead of exposure in a gulley, picked over by coyotes. But soon enough I got to a road I recognized, and now here I sit safe and sound, listening to my cat crunch his food while he thinks about his next piss attack.