Category Archives: Rants

No refund policy.

angrybobA month or so ago, I kept getting calls on my cell from a certain unknown number. After several occurrences and no messages I decided to go to dexknows.com and do a reverse number search. By all appearances, that feature was being offered to me by Dex. But I soon found out that I had been forwarded to an Intelius page, which presented the special offer of $.99 for one search. I was a dope and didn’t read the fine print, or for that matter the second level subheads in red reverse. Nonetheless I plodded through and got my information, it was someone trying to sell me windows. They were offering a special deal that was about three times what I figure I could get it done for.

What I didn’t realize was the special deal was contingent on a free trial of Identity Protect. I also didn’t realize that they would automatically continue to bill me $19.95 monthly for this service. I would like to have my identity protected, but the fact that I’m writing this blog and I post on various social networking sites, it obviously isn’t a high priority for me. My concern about fraudulent activity involving my identity doesn’t rise to the level of $19.95 a month, for that price, I’ll take my chances. I have plenty of company in my dopiness, there are discussion boards going on this, well, scam. Continue reading No refund policy.

Small engine symantics

I finally got my snowblower started in time to use it on the second significant snow fall of the season. For the first one I was thinking lawnmower instead of snowblower when I primed the carburetor. The lawnmower requires about 30 pumps before it will start, that many pumps on the snowblower will fill the carb with gasoline to the point of it leaking out on the floor. Which is why I missed the first snowfall last year. I thought it was leaking gas and tore it apart in an effort to fix it myself rather than take it in to the friendly local hardware store. I never found anything to fix, but hadn’t gotten it put back together by the time it snowed. The other problem was related to my tenuous understanding of the workings of small engines. And the manual writers tenuous understanding of how to communicate clearly. I knew that when starting the engine you need to choke it. The manual said the choke was supposed to be “on” when starting cold. The choke switch itself doesn’t have an indicator that says “on” or “off” only a graphic consisting of a curve roughly parallel to the arch of the switch, thicker on one end and going down to a point on the other, and a little symbol that apparently represented an open carburetor butterfly. OK, that gives me a vague idea that counterclockwise means “closed” and clockwise means “open.” But does “closed” mean “on” or “off”? Since the knob is the choke control, wouldn’t you think that the thickening of the graphic would mean that you were turning the choke “more on”? I tried to bring back the memories of starting carbureted automobiles (remember them) on subzero days in my youth when I still messed with that kind of thing. Did I use the pencil to hold the butterfly open, or closed. I had a distinct image, in fact I could almost feel how cold I was, leaning over the fender of a ’69 Chevy, trying to fire it up somewhere in South Minneapolis, probably for a trip to the 400 Bar. But I couldn’t bring back the memory of exactly what it was I was trying to do. At a social gathering this weekend, I asked one of my friends who I figured was savvy about this stuff and we got confused as we discussed it, so we asked the two engineers at the table. They were able to straighten us out.

You have to admit that it takes a man who’s very confident in his manhood to admit to such ignorance of small engine repair, something that seems like it comes attached to the Y chromosome. And maybe it does. When I was a kid, I spent all kinds of time in small boats with outboard motors. My dad could spend ten minutes in a pen of 20 cattle and tell you what their average live to dressed yield would be within a half percent, but probably didn’t know the difference between a carburetor and an alternator, so he was not a small engine mentor. But we always owned or rented boats and I always was able to keep them running. I guess it must be a use it or lose it kind of deal.

In case you’re wondering I have the lowest cylinder index of any male I know.

Drama Queen

I quit my job at Caribou. Yes Caribou. Since I don’t work there anymore, I’m not concerned about problems with identifying which coffee conglomerate I was employed by. I didn’t really like it that much, I’ve written before about how the level of multi-tasking is beyond this old guy. And that I had difficulty remembering where the buttons on the cash register were, that there didn’t seem to be any system to the way they are laid out All that standing was also getting hard on my knees and the rest of my body. The whole experience was stressing me out. I think the next person that tells me how much fun it must be to work in a coffee shop is going to get punched in the nose.
But the decisive moment came Wednesday night. The supervisor on the shift was, like all the shift supervisors, a twenty something woman. I’d worked with her before and come to the conclusion that she was kind of a slave driver, but I had no idea how nasty she could really be. Continue reading Drama Queen

Low Impact

lowimpactSaturday night we attended a cultural milestone event. The wedding of the youngest and last unmarried daughter of close friends. The cultural significance of this event is that the fun level of weddings is going to drop significantly now. These folks really know how to throw a party. Unlike the Kellers who have been advising their daughters to elope since they were marching their Barbies down  the aisle. There’s no money here for big weddings! But I’m sure our friends will continue to find excuses to party.
During the dinner, we sat at a table of friends and neighbors, the two other men at my table are that kind irritating fitness enthusiast (I diplomatically avoid the term “nut”) that likes to talk about there last marathon or that nice easy three hour ride they went on last week in the rain. The conversation got around to biking and I was encouraged to get out and start riding. It’s the best exercise with the least impact on the rest of your body! It would be great for your knees! There’s those great trails just over on the other side of this golf course that it seems to take me a half hour to drive to.
Don’t get me wrong. I could use a good workout routine. I’m in terrible shape.

Continue reading Low Impact

Another sinister plot by the Fun Police

devilbabyAccording to this article on Shrink Rap children who eat candies and chocolate every day are more likely to be violent as adults. Now that certainly explains a lot. It’s interesting that “Researchers from Cardiff University found that 69 per cent of the participants who were violent at the age of 34 had eaten sweets and chocolate nearly every day during childhood, compared to 42% who were non-violent.” The theory was that children who were given what they wanted on a daily basis never formed an appreciation for deferred gratification and therefore would resort to violence if there immediate wants were stifled.

I have another theory. Of course the a high percentage of kids who didn’t eat candy every day were non-violent. They were a bunch of ninnies and twits. In my memory of childhood, violence was hardly necessary to obtain a daily dose of Hershey’s. Not if one had an ounce if charm, guile or perseverance. I mean if you couldn’t pinpoint where Mom was hiding the stash of Mike ‘n’ Ikes within fifteen minutes of it’s being hidden, you were just plain off your kid game. And if you include cookies into the category of sweets, the survey becomes meaningless. Cripes, not being able to cadge at least one cookie with a glass of milk after school has got to be a predictor of total failure as an adult. Given the fact that a glass of milk and about a half a bag of Oreo’s was a daily ritual for me, I should be spending my golden years in San Quentin.

And what about that 42% of badasses that didn’t eat candy every day. They were just pissed off all the time. I wonder how many of their violent acts were perpetrated against their Moms. There is clearly a need for more research here. Did I mention that the study was done in England. How many of the participants were shipped off to boarding schools where they NEVER got any candy and grew up to be uptight civil servants and wore bowler hats and little, neatly trimmed moustaches? Answer that one. I’ve read Lord of Flies. “He began to dance and his laughter became a bloodthirsty snarling.” Tell me those nut bags had candy every day. In fact, we know they had NO CANDY. And how did that work out for Piggy?

My favorite candy brand, Squirrel Nut Zippers.

I understand your flustration, Sir.

angrybobThe weather has gone from gorgeous to dark, windy, cold and foreboding. I was having a petty manic day, couldn’t stop smiling over the fact that I’m taking the career leap and won’t have to show up at cubeville after Wednesday. I attributed my high energy level to that but maybe it was just a sugar rush. I came home, the house was cold, I was feeling sneezy and suddenly bone tired, the hypochondriac in me concluded I was coming down with sHw1iNn1e flu. I decided that the thing to do would be contemplate the insides of my eyelids for awhile. The couch beckoned. I was just drifting off when Rebecca came downstairs with her laptop and some questions.
So you might understand why I was feeling a twinge of crabbiness. First question was an easy one, can we survive on the Blockbuster 2 movie plan as opposed to our current 3 movie plan. No brainer! After all we have to cut back now that I’m retired unemployed between jobs exploring entrepreneurial opportunities. The next one is the kind of question I hate the most. “What’s this $12.83 charge on the credit card for “Credit Defense?”
I knew exactly what it was. Wells Fargo calls me about once a week to try to sell me dumb ass enhancements to my accounts and this is one of the faves. I NEVER sign up for it. But apparently some asshole decided to make their quota by signing me up anyway. Now I my ass was really chapped.
Continue reading I understand your flustration, Sir.