My wife is much cooler than I am. Can I say that? Is “cool” a really dated expression? Am I dating myself? Do I care? Anyway, today I was wondering just how cool she is. So I consulted the Oracle of Bacon at Virginia and found that she has a Bacon number of 3. Yes only 3 degrees of separation between her and Kevin Bacon. She once produced a spot with Tim Conway who was in Speed 2: Cruise Contol (1997) with Colleen Camp who was in Trapped (2002) with Kevin Bacon. But I guess as far as Ham goes, I read History_Pig so that just might put me on equal footing on the coolness scale. Of course my ex-girlfriend slept with Taj Mahal (while we were dating) and I once told Ralph Nader that the non smoking section was closed, so I guess I have some claim to fame.
That’s a good story. I was bartending the lunch shift and just after things calmed down a guy comes up to me and says that he has a party coming in and they’d like to sit in the non-smoking section. I told him that I was sorry but we closed it because we didn’t have enough waitresses to cover it after the lunch rush. He insisted that the party would be adamant about sitting in non-smoking. So, smart-ass that I am I said, “Who is it, Ralph Nader?” The guy gave me a wierd look and said, “As a matter of fact, it is.” So we opened the section for him. If I’d have known that 30 years later we could thank him for George W. I wouldn’t have done it. And by the way, the guy really, even back then, looked like a total spook. I mean he was the palest person I’ve ever seen and his eyes were sunken so far back under that brow ridge that they were barely visible. Not to mention the fact that he was one of the few people I ran into in those days who was actually skinnier than me. But then again there is absolutely nothing cool about Ralph Nader so that doesn’t count.

The image is a promo that I did for myself back before I became a coporate lacky and was trying to make a living as a freelancer.